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Wednesday, November 18th, 2009
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12:25 am
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i can't sleep.
the apartment hunt is cranking up. i visit apartmenttherapy.com everyday and fantasize about how to decorate a nice studio for myself. and it occurred to me. in some craigslist postings, they'll flat out say that your yearly income MUST be at least 40 times your monthly rent or else you can't be considered. and it's sort of troubling that according to this living standard, i should be living in an apartment with a rent of $587 a month. which obviously i'm not even close to. is this really an adequate gauge for what a person can/should afford for their living space? and here i was, wondering if i can get by on only $200 a month after paying rent and utilities (hey, i did $29 in 3 days with plenty of room to spare - including eating out for one meal of $8). i'd rather resign to eating ramen for the rest of my life than live someplace that makes me miserable.
i volunteer for one 4-hour shift and already i regret getting roped in for 6 months. i thought i'd feel fulfilled, but instead i'm in a job that makes me uncomfortable, i'm in an apartment situation that makes me uncomfortable and now i'm donating my free time to something that makes me feel uncomfortable. can i take a vacation for life?
no, you know what. i hate that the past 8 months have forced me into becoming this tyrannical spend thrift because i was never ever like this before in my life. granted, i was always more of a saver than a spender, but i would buy a random dvd if i felt like it. i'd buy a new pair of shoes if i felt like it. now, i buy a sunday paper and i feel like i need to reconfigure my budget for the remainder of the week or something. i'm the most uptight person all the time. maybe i have an ulcer. i'm too tired and distracted to return emails. not to mention the fact that the 4-hour shift, spent entirely on my feet, made my feet and legs sore for the rest of the day. this is how out of shape i'm in. i used to pull 9 hours on my feet while running around. why am i breaking down so easily? i have such a defeatist attitude, i don't even care if the police find the person who stole and used my credit card because i already know that they won't - it's all wasted time and energy.
how exactly does one become an antiquarian? i was thinking that maybe i could appraise rare books for a living, and i hear it's an unusual thing for people under 40 to get into. can i don a pointy blue cap with yellow stars on it and become someone's apprentice, or, what, exactly?
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